At work I constantly have to learn that you cannot count on anyone to do their job. You would think you should be able to rely on people to perform functions that affect your job duties as they are getting paid just like you. At times your coworkers will do things that may impact you professionally and you will feel the repercussions of their actions regardless of if it was truly your fault. Maybe the coworker thinks you are a cool person but something in their daily duties caused them to put your requests/documents on the back burner. You never followed up nor did anything to protect your job position which means that you will be affected by his f**k ups. If a report is late because Billy in accounting sent them to you late, Billy isn’t going to get in trouble; you will get in trouble because you didn’t follow up with Billy timely. Now you are looking at Billy with the stank face because he couldn’t at least keep your timeline in mind and your manager is throwing around statements like “written warning” or “this is unacceptable”.
But it is a good lesson to learn that I have translated into the wonderful (often confusing) world of dating. For instance, in dating you are responsible for you. (i.e your heart.) You cannot control anyone else’s circumstance, but you can control how you react and feel. In my scenario, Billy was worried about his job and himself just as you were in the scenario above. I would love to believe that when I am dating someone, he is going to have my best interests in mind. Sometimes I hope that when he is making certain life/dating decisions, how I feel or will be impacted is something that he takes in to account. Unfortunately, not only is it unreasonable to think that but it is just not a good practice in dating with no commitments. At times, women do see the potential in certain men who may not be where we would like for them to be in life. Maybe he ain’t the cutest, but all his other qualities are decent. Maybe he is not making much money but he is an overall good person. Then, we get our hearts, minds, and emotions involved with this good guy when he may not be any where near where we are emotionally. (probably thinking that “I lowered my standards to be with you so you should be thrilled to have me!” Idk.)
In his eyes, he’s spending time with a good lady friend, nothing more, and nothing less. Does that make him a bad guy? No. Sometimes we fall quicker for others than they may fall for you. In an ideal situation, it would be great if you met a guy who was as into you as you were into him. Then you guys would go down the relationship path straight to where ever your end goal is with no issues. (I’m sure for some men this is a good thing as well! Men need love too!)
In many other (perhaps “more frequent”) situations, one person may be more committed to the idea of commitment whereas the other person does not have those strong feelings currently, but may need to grow a bit before they entertain going down the path of exclusivity with you. In those situations you must protect your heart. We get so involved in a guy that we like, that we prematurely cut off any other potential mates to focus on this one person. Then when we learn that he isn’t where we are emotionally, we feel led on or tell people he is a crappy guy. We get our hearts hurt. We feel betrayed and used. When in actuality he did nothing malicious that led to those negative emotions. We just became too involved with someone that was not in the same place as we were. Billy was not trying to be a jerk, he was just looking out for his job as he had other things that were more pressing. Had you understood that Billy had other things going on and could use a bit of understanding, perhaps you would have had your report on time.